Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
