i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
