before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize