you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
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