do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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