wanna go halves on a baby?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
