we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
