one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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