nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
