I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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