Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
