Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
