Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
