Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
