I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize