The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
