hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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