I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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