yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
