Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
