Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
40s are totally the cure
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
