All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
