the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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