WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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