OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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