he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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