just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Panties = found
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
