you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
