Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
