come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
