Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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