Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
