Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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