His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize