I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Someone signed my nipple.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
