my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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