He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
