the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
