If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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