woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There's always time for handjobs
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
