his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize