I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
