saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
this is an emotional support booty call
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
