So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
