I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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