I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
