And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
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