Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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