if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
