you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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