Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think my moral compass just broke
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