Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
