I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
