Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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