that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
