drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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