Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
