He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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