you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Randomize
