sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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