Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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