I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
