I CAN MOONWALK!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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