you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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