I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
