What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
