I faked an abortion last night.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I want to be your penis for a week.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
