As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
