...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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