i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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