so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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