its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
