I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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