In the future we'll all be gay
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize