I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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