need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
