i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
