just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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