can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
