I got chris browned last night
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
