His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
