"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
