sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
