i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
