I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
