My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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