He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
