just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize