I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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