hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm always down for nudity.
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