i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
