Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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