well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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