I accidentally had phone sex last night
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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