Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
