Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
