i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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