I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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