So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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