When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
