That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize