There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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