In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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