you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
