Duck Duck Cougar?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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